ship-jumper's Diaryland Diary
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North vs. South
I think we will have some fun with the Canadians and Americans again.
I so love this little book. It was given to me just prior to my jumping ship and has proved to be a source of much laughter with CK and me as well as her family. Perhaps you will get some enjoyment from some of these little excerpts!
First, some common terms and what their equivalents are in the States:
Prime Minister= President (Really no comparison between the two however!)
Province= State (Sounds much nicer eh?)
Ottawa= Washington DC (Sounds like a drunkard saying I want a….)
Loonie= One Dollar (It’s a coin here. So weird to get used to this one! So much change!)
Toonie= Two Dollars (Again, more coins in the old pocket)
A Blue= A Budweiser (They like their brews up here. Blue is actually LaBatts Beer and London has an arena named after it.)
Peeler= Stripper (I really have no use for knowledge of this word, but I can say that here total and complete nudity…..as well as touching…..is allowed. Yikes!)
Toque= Hat (They really do use this word)
Beaver= Bald Eagle (Do NOT mess with a Beaver up here or you will be shot! Oh wait, there aren’t guns that readily available. Ok then, you will be yelled at and chased by a Mountie)
Washroom= Bathroom (It sounds so damn proper and cute. I actually thought it was just CK that said this but they all do up here)
Tim Hortons= Dunkin Donuts (Some famous hockey player is now forever remembered as a coffee shop. Everyone says ‘Let’s go get us a Timmy’s, eh!’ I kid you not there is a Timmy’s about every 4 blocks here. It’s CRAZY. And…..personally…..I don’t think the coffee is all that great anyway but it’s all you can get here on the fly!)
Regarding Ontario, Page 15:
”ONTARIO- Canada’s political elite, corporate bigwigs, and blue-collar industrialists rub elbows in this cosmopolitan province. It’s home to the nation’s capital, Ottawa, and its biggest city, Toronto- known affectionately as “New York City without the garbage” and “London with better teeth.” “
TRIVIA:
1. Number of Americans for every Canadian: 9
2. Number of square kilometres of extra elbow room per person Canada enjoys, compared to the United States: 62,010
3. Amount that Canada is larger in territory to the United States, expressed in terms of number of hockey rinks: 33,345,403
4. Number of laps needed to jog the coastline of the United States to equal ONE lap around Canada’s coastline: 10
5. Average number of extra days lived by a Canadian, as opposed to an American: 836
6. Number of Canadian television viewers who tuned in for the 1972 “Summit on Ice” hockey final between the Soviets and the Canadians: 2,5000,000 That’s more than tuned in for Neil Armstrong’s moon walk.
7. Number of times the United States invaded Canada: 2
8. Number of times Canada successfully defended itself: 2
TIDBIT: Canadians say “ZED” instead of “ZEE” when talking about the last letter of the alphabet.
The Story of ”Eh” and some examples: (page 31
Unlike its slow-witted cousin “Huh”, ‘Eh’ (pronounced AY) is a flexible, multipurpose word, perfect for a variety of situations. It also suits both of Canada’s national languages, truly uniting two very different cultures with a single Canadian syllable. Its uses are endless, but as an example, adding ”eh?” to the end of a statement is a handy and efficient substitute for:
This is just my opinion, but don’t you agree with it?
Non-Canadian Statement: “The weather sure has turned chilly, don’t you think?”Canadian Statement: “Cold, eh?”
This is a fact to which anyone would acquiesce, so I’m being rhetorical here.
Non-Canadian Statement:‘I can’t believe you bought that girl a drink and she didn’t even give you her number.”
Canadian Statement: “That’s cold, eh?”
You know what I just said? I actually believe the exact opposite.Non-Canadian Statement: “Yes Bob, I agree it’s very hot in Pentiction today. I’m positively burning up!”
Canadian Statement: “Right, cold, eh?”
And finally, from Page 32, A brief Canadian Vocabulary Lesson
Dialogue as heard in Canada, with helpful phoentic (foe-NET-ik) spellings:
Ah jeez, I don’t know about (a-BOOT) Pierre. He’s been a pogey (POE-gee), won’t get a joe job, and has no jing to go to the peelers. I mean, I’ve been feeding the hoser CCs at the pub so he won’t put cheese in his coffee, but I think he’s been spending a lot of time outdoors (OOT-doors) without (with-OOT) a toque (tewk). Either that, eh (ay), or his gonch is too tight.”American Translation
Goodness gracious. I’m worried about Steve. He’s been on unemployment, won’t get an entry-level position, and doesn’t have money to go to the strip clubs. You see, I’ve been buying that goof Canadian Club whiskey so he won’t go completely crazy, but I’m afraid he’s lost the capacity to think. Perhaps the circulation to his brain has been cut off somehow.
And there you have a sampling of my world. And trust me. NONE of the above is a stretch or embellishment. I am having to learn how to speak all over again!
I must end my entry now. Time to get my toque as it’s cold, eh, and grab me a Blue and find some peelers or I’m risking having my gonch too tight! Later eh!
10:28 p.m. - 2007-09-06
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